


It Started with a Song.

by sarajinki



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Jinki is a uni teacher, Jjong is a street singer, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, they went to the same high school but didn't know each other like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 08:14:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20485709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarajinki/pseuds/sarajinki
Summary: One was an honors student now turned philosophy teacher at university and the other is a high school dropout who finds solace in his music. Their two very different paths cross one day and it changes everything.





	1. Fate.

**Author's Note:**

> Story that was written for the SHINee/Big Bang event of 2016.   
Cross-posting from AFF @sarajinki
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)

It was a Thursday afternoon. The sky was grey and the clouds thick and heavy. A recurrence over the last couple of days. A man with an expression matching the spreading darkness above was walking down a busy street, minding his own business. His thoughts were filled with loneliness and self-deprecation, something that happened quite too often for someone who always put on a happy face. It was his well guarded secret; he wasn't a man content with his life, he was a man who was just going through it with the hope that one day he'd find what he was looking for. But at 26 years old he was starting to think that his hope was a ridiculous thing.

He walked and walked and walked, his head tilting downwards. He was tired and hungry, but he had no desire to satisfy those basic needs. He wanted something to pull him out of his routine, to make him remember why it was important for him to stay alive. He just needed something new. He turned the corner, freeing himself from the horde of people that was invading his personal space. This street was almost empty and so he could hear his steps echo against the concrete, the sound relieving him from the tension accumulating in his body. He was almost too focused on it to hear anything else, but he couldn't block out the voice that suddenly reached him. He stopped in his tracks and looked ahead. There was another man there. He was sitting on the sidewalk, a guitar in hand, his voice coming out sweet and melodious for the world to hear.

  
He remained still for a few seconds, just watching. He didn't know the song, but he was instantly drawn to it. He was still far away so he couldn't fully make out the words that were leaving the other's mouth, but he could gather that the song wasn't about gambolling in the park. He finally started walking again, his gaze still straight ahead, his mind putting aside all the sorrow he had been wallowing in to give his full attention to the song he could hear better and better with every step he took.

  
He was now standing before him, watching his profile as he kept singing with a passion that sent chills down his spine for a brief second. The other's eyes were closed, making him oblivious to his presence which made it much easier for him to just enjoy his voice. As well as his soft-looking blonde hair, his sharp jaw line and high cheekbones and last but not least, his attire which was constituted of a white t-shirt, ripped at the knee skinny jeans and Timbs. It was a far different look than his sky blue dress shirt, black trousers and lacquered shoes. He was totally fitting in while the other proudly stood out.

  
Their eyes suddenly met. The other had finally picked up on his presence and had stopped to look right at him. Silence stretched out for a few seconds, neither of them breaking the contact their gazes provided.

  
'' Do I know you? '' the blonde asked. His talking voice was as soft as his singing voice, but it was now filled with suspicion.

  
The brunette's eyes widened briefly. '' Eh? ''

  
'' You look familiar... '' The blonde searched his face, his gaze narrowing as he focused his mind on figuring out the mystery at hand. '' Did you go to Gwangmyeon IISH? '' he asked, his face lighting up with realization.

  
'' Um, yeah... '' The brunette was utterly confused.

  
'' Aaah... I knew I had seen you before. '' A satisfied smile was now gracing the other's plump lips.

  
'' Weren't you that honors student? '' he then verified.

  
The brunette let out a little laugh, embarrassed by the title he had heard so many times in the past.

  
'' Yeah... " His brows furrowed. '' How do you know that? ''

  
'' I went there too. I believe I was a year under yours, but I do remember that they kept honouring you and taking you as an example to motivate us to reach excellence. It was kinda annoying actually. '' The blonde laughed a frank laugh, his eyes disappearing as a show of his extremely white teeth took the forefront.

  
'' Aah... '' He couldn't say he remembered him. He probably couldn't remember most of his classmates anyways. He had never been a social person. '' Well I never asked for any of that, '' he then noted. In fact, he had always hated all the praise that came with his academic performance. Back then, he had already felt like he was being put into a box from which he couldn't escape and that feeling had just grown over the years, following him up to this day.

  
'' Well it's a better reputation to have than being a high school dropout, '' the blonde pointed out. He put his guitar aside and rose to his feet swiftly. '' The name's Jonghyun. '' He held out his hand.

  
The brunette shook it, noticing how contrasting the warmth of the other's hand was on his very cold one.

  
'' My name's Jinki. '' He forced a smile. '' You dropped out of school? '' He inquired. That reality had never been an option for him so he was curious to know how that could work out.

  
Jonghyun laughed. '' You must think I'm a failure. I get that a lot. ''

  
'' No, no. I'm just curious... That thought did cross my mind a couple of times, but I never thought of doing it, '' Jinki shared as he stared with a growing interest at the one who stood a few inches shorter than him.

  
'' Well I never really saw the point of staying in school, I just wanted to make music, '' Jonghyun explained. He looked down at his guitar. '' I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did, to be honest... '' His voice was almost down to a whisper, his tone letting on that there was much going on in his mind at this point.

  
'' You do have an amazing voice, '' Jinki complimented. '' I couldn't help but stop to listen. ''

  
'' That's more than what I usually get. People just pass by and act like I don't exist, which isn't all bad actually. '' He chuckled.

  
Jinki frowned, disconcerted. '' So you don't get money or anything? ''

  
'' Sometimes, yeah... but it's not much. '' Jonghyun's eyes were back on him. '' It's all good. ''

  
Jinki wasn't reassured nor convinced by that. He could feel his compassionate side calling upon him to act somehow. '' Can I treat you to a meal or something? ''

  
The blonde's jaw clenched. '' I'm not a charity case, '' he sharply answered.

  
'' I'm sorry, '' Jinki instantly uttered, his chest tightening with guilt. '' I didn't mean to insult you, I just thought that it'd be nice since you don't seem to be getting enough recognition for your music. '' He was sincere, but scared that he had already done too much damage to save it with words.

  
Jonghyun sighed. '' Alright... '' He took his guitar and set it into its case before zipping it right up. He then pulled it up, slinging the strap over his shoulder to carry it. '' I'm warning you... I'm very hungry, '' he said as he turned back to face him.

  
Jinki let out a genuine laugh. '' No problem. '' He gave a look ahead. '' I know a good restaurant not far from here, is that alright? '' he verified.

  
'' Yeah sure. ''

  
Jinki led the way, closely followed by the other, but it only took a few seconds for them to end up walking side by side. Their steps fell in sync, making them echo more loudly in the still nearly empty street. '' Shouldn't you sing on busier streets? '' the taller one remarked as he gave a look around.

  
Jonghyun half-smiled. '' Sometimes I do, but to be honest, I kinda hate big crowds... ''

  
'' Ah, I see... '' Jinki could totally relate to that. There was a reason he had decided to go down this street. And right now, he felt especially glad that he had.

  
They fell back into a shared silence. It lasted up to the moment they were both seated at one of the restaurant's booth.

  
'' Can I really order anything? '' Jonghyun asked as he looked at the menu.

  
'' Yeah, don't worry about it. '' Fortunately, money wasn't an issue for him anymore.

  
'' Cool, 'cause I'd really love some rum, '' he shared with a little laugh.

  
Jinki's face lit up. '' I love me some rum too. ''

  
'' We're officially friends then, '' the blonde joked.

  
Jinki laughed again. He who wasn't comfortable around new people, or anyone for that matter, didn't find it that hard with him. It was unusual, but relieving.

  
They ordered their food and drinks and waited with a few shared awkward smiles for it to come. But smiles alone weren't enough. Not for the brunette at least. He had wanted something new to happen and now the opportunity had presented itself; he couldn't waste it.

  
'' So what else are you doing apart from singing in the streets? ''

  
Jonghyun tittered. '' That's all I've got going on right now. ''

  
Jinki's mouth fell open. That was definitely surprising for a man like him. '' You mean you don't have a job? ''

  
'' I don't like the word 'job'. I just want to do what I want to do. But if you must know, I was a bartender not too long ago. Unfortunately, the people there were really annoying so I quit. '' His answer was nonchalant, uncaring.

  
Jinki was truly impressed. '' But how do you... pay for stuff? '' he dared to ask. He was so eager to know more about this human being that had a life he'd never be able to have.

  
'' Well right now, I don't really pay for stuff. I stay at one of my friend's house, '' Jonghyun blatantly answered.

  
The brunette slowly bobbed his head, showing that he had acknowledged his words. '' That's nice. ''

  
'' It is. '' Jonghyun ran a hand through his hair before leaning back against the cushioned seat. '' Until he doesn't want me there anymore... '' He looked pensive, his teeth biting into his lip.

  
'' He's not a good friend of yours? '' Jinki inquired with concern.

  
Jonghyun smiled at those words. '' He is, but it doesn't matter. Generosity always has a limit. ''

  
Jinki couldn't disagree with that, but he didn't want to accept it either. '' Well maybe you won't reach his limit before a long time. ''

  
'' It's been long enough, '' Jonghyun countered with yet another smile. '' It's not a big deal anyways. I always find somewhere to sleep. ''

Jinki knew how serious he must've been looking right now, but he couldn't help it. He was worried and felt the urge to help him out a little more.

  
Before he could come up with the right thing to say, the waiter arrived with their drinks. He watched as the blonde immediately brought the glass to his lips.

  
'' Oh man... I really needed that, '' Jonghyun expressed with joy.

  
Jinki also took a sip, getting the same feeling of contentment in return.

  
'' Yeah, me too, '' he said with a smile.

  
'' Thanks again. I really appreciate it, '' the blonde said as their eyes locked. He was looking at the other intensely, trying to convey all that he couldn't with words.

  
'' It's my pleasure, '' Jinki replied. He then rubbed the back of his neck as he pondered a sudden idea.

  
'' Do you have a cellphone? '' he brought himself to ask.

  
'' No, I couldn't keep paying for it, '' Jonghyun answered.

  
'' Well could I give you my number? '' Jinki offered. That forwardness was very unlike him, but it felt like it was all happening despite himself.

  
Jonghyun's eyebrow cocked. '' Why? ''

  
'' Just you know... if you want to hang out again or something... '' The truth was that he wanted to be there for him if he needed anything.

  
The blonde still seemed suspicious, but he agreed nonetheless. '' Alright. ''

  
Jinki smiled. He didn't know why that made him as happy as it did, but he was going to accept it. He hadn't felt that way in a long time.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Jinki sighed as he looked at his now empty classroom. He knew the students were probably bitching about how boring his class had just been. He couldn't blame them, because he had been completely out of it, only managing to go through his content by reciting things by heart instead of bringing the concepts and notions to life. He was starting to think that he had probably lost his touch and that he'd never really been a good teacher to begin with. But in all honesty, he did know what was interfering with his abilities. He had been too hopeful making the return to reality a very hard process.

  
He finished cleaning up his desk and made his way out, eager to get back home and comfort himself with some food and soju. The weather that welcomed him was clement. He took in a deep breath before he started walking again. The streets were as busy as usual at this time of day, but somehow, he didn't mind. He could just be another faceless person that nobody cared about. He now knew that was probably his fate and the sooner he accepted that the better off he'd be. So he wasn't looking for anything new anymore; he was just looking for calm and peace, for his ever unchanging routine.

  
Despite that, he found himself on the street he had decided to go down on a few weeks ago. The street where he had found that beautiful voice that had enchanted him for a moment and the intriguing man who had been lovely company for a few hours. The memory replayed in his mind again, always readily available to torture him. He knew there was no reason for him to feel so hurt, but that didn't help make the feeling go away. He had felt some type of connection that couldn't just be erased because he wanted it to. And the truth was that he didn't want that. He wanted to know more about the other, he wanted to feel that connection again. It had sparked something inside him that he hadn't known was in him anymore and it overwhelmed him with sadness to think that it would probably go to waste.

  
He kept walking with his aching heart, finally changing streets a few seconds later. The rest of the walk felt that much more strenuous after all the emotions he had gone through. When he finally closed the front door behind himself, he couldn't help but drop to the floor, his briefcase following suit with a loud noise. He buried his head in his knees, wrapping his arms around them for comfort. He felt pathetic and it took him everything to not spend the rest of the evening in that spot, sheltering himself from every bit of reality. Once he had risen to his feet, he went to his kitchen, looking straight into the fridge for something to fill him up. He took out his leftover stew and rice and put them on the stove to reheat. He hadn't yet let himself be so lazy not to cook, but he feared that he was approaching that state. It was only a few minutes before he was sitting down in front of his now warm meal and a cool bottle of soju. He dug in enthusiastically, humming his contentment as the delicious flavors danced across his taste buds. This was probably the best part of his day. When he could just be alone and enjoy such a simple pleasure without making himself go crazy with a million thoughts. He was now realizing just how hungry he was and finished his bowl quickly, moving on to the fresh drink as he sat more comfortably in his chair.

  
With every sip he took, he felt his head get heavier and soon enough, his eyes started closing on their own. He decided he wasn't going to fight with sleep. He got up, leaving his dishes on the table and went to change into more comfortable clothes. A sense of peace washed over him as he let himself fall onto his mattress. He could just forget about the world now. His head lolled to one side and soon after, he fell into a deep slumber.

  
_Bzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzzzz._

  
He stirred, his body slightly aware of its surroundings.

  
_Bzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzzzz._

  
This time his eyes opened wide, his heart beating fast as he recovered consciousness.

  
_Bzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzzzz._

  
He jumped out of his bed in panic, trying to look fast for his phone. He knew no one would call him at this hour if it weren't an emergency. He suddenly remembered he had left it in one of the pockets of his blazer. He plunged a hand into the right one; it was empty. He did the same with the left one and pulled it out, scared he wouldn't be able to answer in time.

  
'' Hello? '' he quickly answered.

  
'' Jinki? ''

  
The brunette frowned. The voice did sound familiar, but he couldn't put a name on it yet.

'' Yes, it's me, '' he replied.

  
'' I don't know if you remember me... it's Jonghyun, '' the blonde shyly said.

  
Jinki felt his body tense up. Was this really happening? Maybe he was just dreaming.

'' I do remember you. '' He walked back to his bed and sat. '' Are you okay? ''

  
The blonde let out a little laugh. '' Yeah, you can say that... although, I do have a favor to ask... ''

  
'' Go on, '' Jinki instantly said. In this moment, he felt like he could do whatever the other would ask for.

  
'' Um... I ... '' A sigh left the other's lips. '' I need a place to crash, '' he finally admitted.

  
Jinki felt his heart beat faster. '' You want to come to my place? '' He needed to make sure.

  
'' Well yeah, if that's alright with you. ''

  
'' Sure, sure... do you want me to come pick you up? '' the brunette asked, his mind racing with the thought of seeing the other again.

  
'' Um, depends... where do you live? '' Jonghyun asked.

  
'' A few streets down the one where we met... on Saseong-ro. ''

  
'' Isn't that where there are the fancy looking buildings? '' The other's voice was filled with surprise.

  
Jinki suddenly felt embarrassed. '' Yes... '' He rubbed the back of his neck. '' Are you far from there? ''

  
'' I think it's a 15 minute walk. I can make it, '' Jonghyun indicated. '' Which building is it? ''

  
'' The first one on the right. I'll wait for you downstairs since there is a code and all, '' Jinki added.

  
'' Fine. See you in a few. ''

  
'' Bye... '' Jinki looked at his phone. The other had already hung up. He threw the device on his bed and buried his face into his hands. He stayed like that for a while, just trying to gather himself before he had to face the one he hadn't been able to stop thinking about. He was happy the other had reached out to him, but he was incredibly nervous. He didn't want a repeat of last time. He didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing again.

  
He finally got up and threw a hoodie on, knowing how cold it could get at night. He then went to the bathroom and washed his face before giving himself a quick look in the mirror to make sure he didn't look too crazy. When he got back to his room, he looked at his phone again. He should be here anytime now.

  
So he went downstairs and waited at the entrance, continuously wiping off the sweat on his hands on his sweatpants. He froze as he saw a familiar figure making their way towards the door. He opened it before the other had a chance to put his hand on the handle. Jinki instantly noticed the bruise on the smaller one's face.

  
'' What happened? '' he asked in panic.

  
'' My back hurts, I need to put down my stuff. Can we talk after? '' The blonde sounded tired.

  
'' Yeah, sure. '' Jinki took the bag he was holding from him. '' Come on. ''

  
They took the elevator and in the matter of seconds, they were at his door. He opened it and made way for the other to enter. As soon as the door was closed again, he looked at him.  
'' Make yourself comfortable. '' He gestured towards his couch.

  
Jonghyun immediately went to it, after having put his guitar down, and let himself fall onto the cushions. A sigh of relief left his lips.

  
'' Do you want something to drink or eat? '' Jinki offered as the good host he was.

  
'' Just something to drink... do you have any alcohol? '' He really looked like he needed it right now.

  
'' Yeah, I've got soju, beer, rum... '' Jinki enumerated.

  
'' Beer sounds perfect. Thanks. '' He went for a smile, but winced as the gesture awakened the sensitive skin around his eye.

  
Jinki felt worried again. He wanted answers, but he knew to keep his mouth shut a little longer. '' Okay, I'll be right back. ''

  
He went to his fridge and took out a bottle of beer. Then he reached for a glass into one of his cupboards and walked back to the living room. He set the drink and glass on the center table before sitting on the armchair that faced the couch.

  
'' Thanks... '' Jonghyun said again before he poured out the bubbling beverage into the glass.

  
Jinki gave a quick nod. He kept staring at the other, noticing that his hair had grown since the last time they had seen each other and that his face looked more gaunt now. '' What happened? ''

  
Jonghyun snorted before putting down his glass. '' You know that friend I was telling you about? ''

  
Jinki nodded. '' Yeah... ''

  
'' Well he's not my friend anymore, '' the blonde simply put out.

  
'' So he's the one that hit you? '' Jinki guessed.

  
A frank laugh left the other's lips. '' I guess I deserved it... ''

  
Disbelief was now clear on Jinki's face. '' I'm sure you didn't. ''

  
Jonghyun smiled again, this time briefly. '' You don't know me.''

  
That effectively shut him up. He most certainly didn't know him, but he did believe he wasn't a bad person. Whether it was from good intuition or excessive naivety, he couldn't care less right now.

  
'' You're right. I just don't like seeing people getting hurt, '' he shared.

  
'' Well I'm safe for now, '' Jonghyun pointed out. '' Unless you're a maniac or something... '' A chuckle followed his words.

  
He laughed in turn. '' I guess you'll just have to trust that I'm a good guy. '' He suddenly got up. '' Wait, I'll be right back. ''

  
He walked to the kitchen again and came back with a bag of frozen peas. Those always came in handy when he needed to add more vegetables to his recipes, but he knew they were also of good use for bruises of that kind.

  
'' Here, '' he said as he gave him the bag. '' Put it on your eye for 15 minutes, it'll help, '' he indicated before going back to his seat.

  
'' Are you a doctor? '' Jonghyun mockingly asked.

  
Jinki laughed again. '' Oh my god, no. ''

  
'' So what do you do for a living? '' the blonde inquired as he leaned back against the couch. He put the bag on his eye as he waited.

  
'' I'm a philosophy teacher at uni, '' Jinki answered without much thought. He then realized that he should probably be more prudent with the information he shared, even though letting the other stay at his place was surely the most imprudent thing he could have done.

  
'' Oooh... you really are a nerd, huh? '' Jonghyun teased with a smile half-covered by the bag on his face.

  
'' I guess I am... '' Jinki had never liked to be viewed that way, but he knew the other didn't mean much by it.

  
Jonghyun lifted the bag off his face. '' I didn't realize how big your apartment actually is... '' He noted as he gave a look around. '' Do you live on your own? ''

  
'' Yes, it's just me. ''

  
'' Ooh... '' Jonghyun looked impressed. '' You must make good money... ''

  
Jinki felt embarrassed once more. '' Yeah, I live comfortably... ''

  
'' Thanks again for letting me crash here, '' the blonde reiterated as he looked straight at him. '' Don't worry, I'll only stay a few nights, '' he immediately added.

  
'' You can stay as long as you want. Like I said it's only me here so I don't mind some company, '' Jinki reassured with a smile.

  
Jonghyun blinked at him, unsettled. '' Alright... ''

  
'' I've got a guest room you can sleep in, '' the brunette then indicated.

  
'' Oh, cool... ''

  
Jinki could feel how uncomfortable the other was in that moment. '' Seriously, don't worry about it, '' he reassured again. '' I'm glad you called me. ''

  
Jonghyun hid his face behind the bag again. '' I'm glad you answered. ''

  
The brunette smiled. It was indeed a chance that he'd woken up in time. Maybe fate had chosen another path for him after all.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Jinki sighed of relief as he reached the end of his PowerPoint. This one had required a lot more thought, but he was very happy with the final result. He knew his students would enjoy this lecture which would make up for the few classes he had failed to make interesting. Now his head was totally back in the game even though he couldn't help but notice how easily it was for him to get distracted nowadays. Today had also been one of those days as he could faintly, but loudly enough, hear the other's voice a few meters away. Ever since the other had started living with him, he had been blessed with the sound of his voice plenty of times. It seemed as if singing was as important as breathing for the blonde. And now that he was done with his work, he could finally get a better hearing of what he was actually singing.

  
He got up from his chair and walked out of his room, making sure his steps were as silent as possible as he made his way towards the kitchen. He stayed a little behind not wanting to be discovered. He could clearly hear him now. His voice was soft as always with a tinge of melancholy. Jinki had also caught up on the fact that he seemed to prefer sad songs. He wasn't one to complain; in fact those were exactly the kind of songs he enjoyed. It was one of his ways to soothe his troubled soul. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the ride. He heard him suddenly stop and reopened them.

  
There he was in front of him.

  
'' What were you doing ? '' Jonghyun asked as he frowned.

  
Jinki felt heat rush to his cheeks. Apparently, he hadn't been subtle enough. ''Um... I was just going to get something to eat... '' He knew there was no way that lie would pass, but he didn't know what else to say.

  
'' Oh so you weren't hiding to listen to me sing? '' Jonghyun playfully exposed. A knowing smile was dancing on his lips.

  
Jinki gulped down his embarrassment. '' Yeah, I... I was... ''

  
Jonghyun laughed. '' You don't have to hide. I don't mind having an audience. ''

  
The brunette gave an awkward smile. '' Okay. ''

  
'' So are you done with all that teacher work? '' Jonghyun asked. He then moved back to his previous spot.

  
Jinki followed him, seeing the other grab the broom and go on with his cleaning.

  
'' Yeah, '' he said. He watched the other swiping the dust. '' You know you don't have to do that, right? ''

  
Jonghyun stopped to look at him. '' Well it's the least I can do. I've been here for almost two weeks now and you've paid for everything so... ''

  
'' Yeah, but I don't feel comfortable having you clean up my apartment, '' Jinki kept on. He appreciated the gesture, but he didn't want the other to feel like he owed him something.

  
'' Well I don't feel comfortable not doing anything while you work, cook and buy me stuff, '' the younger one countered. His tone let through his irritation. '' I told you I'm not a charity case. ''

  
Jinki bit his lip. He had once again forgotten about the other's pride. '' I know. And that's not how I see you, '' he replied.

  
'' How do you see me then? '' Jonghyun threw back defiantly.

  
The brunette felt his mouth turn dry. His mind raced as he tried to come up with an answer. He didn't know what to say. '' I... I just want to help you... ''

  
'' But why? '' Jonghyun pressed. He put the broom against the back of the couch and stepped forward, bringing himself closer to him.

  
'' I don't know... '' He blurted. His heart started beating fast as their eyes locked. The bruise that had once covered the other's right eye was barely visible at this point, making him unable to distract himself with it.

  
Jonghyun stepped even closer. '' You don't know? '' He snorted. '' Well maybe I could help you figure it out... ' He leaned in, never breaking the eye contact until his lips were brushing against his.

  
'' What are you doing? '' Jinki exclaimed as he instinctively stepped back.

  
A derisive laugh left the blonde's lips. '' Isn't this why you've been so nice to me? ''

  
Jinki's eyes were wide with surprise. '' No... tha-that's not why...'' He shut his mouth, unable to gather his thoughts.

  
'' I see... '' Jonghyun sighed. '' I guess I made a mistake then.'' He walked past the taller one, his steps making the wooden floor creak loudly.

  
Jinki didn't move. He couldn't move. All had just happened too fast. He kept staring blankly at the space in front of him. It took him a few more seconds to finally snap out of it. He turned, his gaze now on the hallway. He started walking towards the guest room, guessing that was where he'd find the blonde.

  
And that's where he was indeed. Jinki's eyes widened again. '' What are you doing? '' he asked as he saw the other throw shirts into his duffle bag.

  
'' I don't want to make things more awkward so I'm leaving, '' Jonghyun explained as he kept at it.

  
'' No. '' Jinki surprised himself at how categorical he had just sounded, but this was his worst case scenario coming to life and he wasn't just going to allow it to.

  
'' My decision is made. I'm leaving, '' Jonghyun repeated as he gave him a brief look.

  
Jinki took a few more steps towards him and grabbed his wrist. '' Stay. '' His voice was pleading.

  
Jonghyun gave him a shocked look. '' You're not mad or something? ''

  
It was the brunette's turn to be shocked. ''What? '' he exclaimed loudly. '' No, why would I be? ''

  
'' I just accused you of only being nice to me for sex, '' the younger one promptly outlined.

  
Jinki pondered the thought. That was roughly put, but he couldn't deny that the thought had crossed his mind. '' Don't get me wrong. You're attractive and all... '' He paused. He couldn't believe those words had just left his mouth. '' But that's not why I want you around. I just think you're intriguing and as you already know I love your voice and I'd love to hear more of your music. ''

  
Jonghyun sighed. '' Alright... '' He freed his wrist from the other's grip. '' I'll stay. ''

  
Jinki felt relief wash over him. '' Good. ''

  
'' Only if you make me some of that delicious bibimbap you made the other day, '' Jonghyun bantered with a smile.

  
The older one let out a low snort. '' You're making demands now? ''

  
'' Are you going to refuse them? '' Jonghyun threw back teasingly.

  
Jinki frowned, crossing his arms in defeat.

  
The blonde laughed. '' That's what I thought. '' He turned back to his bag and started to pull his clothes out.

  
Jinki couldn't help but smile. He wasn't one to fight so much for what he wanted, but he was happy that this time was different.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Jinki bumped once again into Jonghyun as he tried to avoid another one of the passersby.

'' Sorry... '' he quickly said a little more irritably than he'd intended to.

  
The blonde chuckled. '' You don't like big crowds, huh? '' He laughed some more. '' It's nice to know I'm not the only one. ''

  
Some of Jinki's grumpiness melted away at those words. The other always knew how to make him feel better. '' It's a shame I live near such busy streets... '' he complained.

  
'' We can always go back to the apartment if you want, '' Jonghyun proposed, half-serious, half-mocking.

  
Jinki shook his head vigorously. '' We always stay inside and today is such a beautiful day... it'd be a waste not to enjoy it. ''

  
The younger one shrugged. '' Whatever you say... ''

  
Jinki gave him a concerned look that the other didn't see as he was looking ahead. Two more weeks had passed now since he had convinced the other to stay and things had certainly taken an interesting turn. Jonghyun had decided to take on all the chores in the house, even trying his hand at cooking from time to time, despite the numerous attempts at discouraging him to do so. He also barely got out of the apartment now and Jinki couldn't remember the last time he had heard him sing.

  
'' Why aren't you singing in the streets anymore? '' he suddenly asked.

  
Jonghyun looked at him curiously, his gaze narrowing as he studied his face. '' Because I don't see the point in doing that anymore, '' he squarely answered.

  
Jinki was puzzled. '' What do you mean? ''

  
'' Do you think it was fun or something? I was just trying to kill some time. '' He suddenly seemed bothered.

  
'' Well I thought that you wanted people to hear your voice, your music, '' Jinki pointed out just as they turned on a less busy street.

  
'' There's no point in wanting that either, '' Jonghyun sharply countered.

  
Jinki was even more puzzled now.

  
'' Of course there is. Your talent should be shared, '' he said with a passion that the other's nonchalance was making rise inside him.

  
'' Let's talk philosophy for a moment, shall we? '' the younger one suddenly offered. '' If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? ''

  
Jinki chuckled at that. '' Seriously? ''

  
Jonghyun frowned. '' Answer. ''

  
'' Well yes it does. ''

  
'' Exactly, it does. So whether people hear my music or not, it doesn't really matter, because it still exists. My talent exists independently of that, '' he confidently argued.

  
'' Okay fine, but that's not satisfactory in any way. People will be oblivious to your talent so it won't exist in their reality which means it won't have any relevance, '' Jinki easily countered.

  
'' My talent is not for other people to have, it's there to keep me sane, '' Jonghyun explained.

  
Jinki sighed. '' I get that, but if everyone with a gift had just decided to keep it to themselves, we wouldn't be where we are today. ''

  
'' Well the world would probably be a better place if a lot of people had decided not to share what came of their talent. ''

  
Jinki nodded. There was a lot of truth in that. '' Yes, you are right. However, your music isn't one of those bad things that should be kept from the world. It should be shared because it would bring more light into it. ''

  
Jonghyun looked down as they kept walking. A few more minutes went by before he said something again. '' I used to want that... ''

  
'' Want what? '' Jinki instantly inquired.

  
The blonde stopped in his tracks, bringing the other to do the same. He looked ahead. '' Why don't we go sit over there? ''

  
Jinki looked in the same direction. A few meters away was a small park with picnic tables. '' Alright. ''

  
They made their way there and settled at each side of one of the tables, bringing them face to face.

  
'' What were you saying? '' Jinki retrieved. He knew this was important.

  
'' That I used to want people hearing my music, '' Jonghyun admitted.

'' I wanted to become so famous and be recognized by the whole wide world... '' His voice was low, almost down to a whisper.

  
Jinki felt empathy for him. He definitely knew what it felt like to have a dream and not have things work out the way you had wanted them to. '' It's not too late, '' he encouraged.

  
Jonghyun burst out into laughter. '' Maybe... '' he voiced as he kept some of it in. '' I just don't have the drive anymore. ''

  
Jinki felt totally at a loss. He wanted to find the right thing to say, but the other's defeated attitude was too overwhelming for words only to soothe it.

  
He still needed to try. '' Can't you try finding gigs at bars or something? ''

  
'' I'm not into that scene anymore... '' Jonghyun bit his lip. '' I mean I was only comfortable doing that with my band and that's kinda dead so... ''

  
'' You were in a band? '' Jinki exclaimed, wide-eyed.

  
'' Yes... '' Jonghyun looked away, clearly uncomfortable. '' I really thought that we'd... we'd make it... together, but... '' He snickered. '' I guess that was just a naive dream... ''

  
The brunette's chest tightened. In that moment, he just wanted to reach over and give the one he now saw as a friend a hug, but he knew he'd overstep his boundaries. The other would most likely take it as pity on his part, ruining the intent of the gesture.

  
'' I know you're trying to find something comforting to say, but just... don't, '' Jonghyun said as his eyes found his. '' I've accepted that for a while now so it's no use trying to revive something that's not anymore. ''

  
Jinki's face darkened. He felt so helpless. Despite the other's words, he couldn't let go. '' But you're going to keep singing, right? ''

  
The younger one's forehead creased in thought. '' I guess I can never really stop... '' he finally said. He then removed his legs from under the table swiftly before getting up. '' Come on, let's walk some more. ''

  
Jinki followed without question, his mind still troubled by the other's confessions. He had always been sensitive to other people's struggles, but this time it affected him so much more. He kept silent as they regained the sidewalk and made their way towards the shops.

  
'' Hey, '' Jonghyun called out as he purposely elbowed him. '' Get out of your head. ''

  
'' Sorry... '' he instantly said. He looked around to find something to distract himself. They passed numerous cafés, clothing stores and restaurants but none of them seemed appealing enough to stop.

  
'' Oh my, I didn't even realize we were on that street... '' Jonghyun suddenly voiced as he stopped walking and looked to his left.

  
Jinki halted too. '' What's on this street? ''

  
'' The bar where I used to work at, '' Jonghyun answered.

  
'' Oh... '' Jinki gave it a look. It was a little place that didn't really stand out at first glance. '' Do you want to go in? '' he asked without much thought.

  
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose. '' Eh... '' He stared at it a little longer. '' I guess there wouldn't be much people in there at this hour...'' he then realized. Without warning, he crossed the street.

  
Jinki was forced to follow, although a little more carefully to make sure he was not hit by a car. He made his way in right after Jonghyun and instantly glanced around. The lights were dimmed and most of the chairs were turned upside down on the tables. The place was quite gloomy so he was glad to not be alone right now.

  
'' Is that you, Jjong? '' The man at the bar instantly exclaimed.

  
Jonghyun smiled before looking back towards Jinki. '' Come. '' He stepped closer to the bar and sat on a stool.

  
Jinki did the same and watched them both.

  
'' What are you doing here? '' the man asked with the same surprised expression on his face.

  
'' We were just passing by and I thought it'd be nice to say hi, '' he lied quite convincingly.

  
'' So who's this guy? '' the one who towered them both inquired.

  
'' He's a friend. '' Jonghyun turned to look at him again. '' Jinki this is Mark and Mark this is Jinki, '' he introduced.

  
'' Aaah... '' Mark acknowledged with a mischievous smile. '' Nice to meet you. ''

  
'' Nice to meet you too, '' Jinki returned with a polite smile.

  
'' So when are you coming back, huh? We miss you here, '' Mark said as he looked back at his ex-colleague.

  
'' That's nice, but I had to get out of here at some point, '' Jonghyun observed with a little laugh.

  
'' Pfff... traitor, '' Mark bantered.

  
The door suddenly opened again, making them all look that way.

  
A tall young man walked in followed by two others. They made their way to a table not far from them and sat.

  
Jinki turned his head back to Jonghyun and instantly noticed the change in demeanour. He was looking down at the counter, his shoulders hunched over as if he was trying to shield himself. Before he could investigate, the sound of a chair being pulled back and steps getting closer interrupted him.

  
'' Hey! '' the young man called as he stopped besides him. He was talking to the bartender. '' Can we get some whiskey? ''

  
'' Yeah sure, give me a sec, '' Mark replied before he moved towards his glasses.

  
As the young man waited, he gave a quick look at the ones near him.'' Oh my god, I can't believe this... '' He cackled loudly. '' To think that I'd see you here... ''

  
Jonghyun finally lifted his head before a sigh left his lips. '' Just pretend like you didn't see me, '' he advised.

  
'' How can I? '' The other one laughed some more. He then looked at Jinki. '' Who's that? ''

  
'' My name is Jinki, '' the brunette filled in.

  
The one standing studied his face with a long look. '' And what kind of relationship do you have with him? ''

  
'' That's none of your business, '' Jonghyun cut in sharply. '' Leave us alone. ''

  
Their eyes locked, the tension increasing between them with each passing second.

  
'' I see that your eye healed nicely, '' the taller one said with a snide smile.

  
Jonghyun's jaw clenched. '' Shut up. ''

  
Jinki gave his friend a worried look. '' He's the one that hit you? ''

  
The other snorted. '' I hit him because he was an ungrateful asshole. ''

  
'' Just because I didn't want to be your little bitch anymore doesn't make me ungrateful, '' Jonghyun remarked with blatant anger.

  
Jinki's mouth fell open in surprise. He didn't want to be in the middle of this. He didn't want to hear it.

  
'' Well I guess you're better off now, huh? '' the other one voiced derisively. '' With him? '' he finished as he put a hand on the brunette's shoulder.

  
Jinki pushed his hand off. '' Well from the looks of it, he probably is. '' Now he was mad. He wasn't just going to stand by as the one he cared for was getting humiliated.

  
'' I see... '' The other laughed some more. '' Be careful ... he's good at getting what he wants from people and when he has no more use for them he just leaves. '' With that last warning, he took the glasses that the bartender had discreetly put near them in the meantime and made his way back to his table.

  
Jinki immediately looked at Jonghyun. He could see how upset he was. '' Are you alright? '' he asked with worry.

  
'' Yeah... '' The blonde moved off the stool. '' Let's just go. '' He immediately walked to the door and pushed it open.

  
Jinki gave an apologetic look to Mark before he also got out. He saw the other stare blankly ahead.

  
'' Jjong... '' he softly called out.

  
'' Can we go back home? '' Jonghyun's voice was pleading.

  
'' Yeah, sure, '' Jinki replied as he tried to ignore the fact that his heart had just skipped a beat at the mention of the word home.

  
They started walking again, side by side, both deep in thought.


	2. Something different.

Jinki had tried his best to give the other as much space as he needed, but his patience was now growing thin. His worry and unconscious curiosity urged him to talk about what had happened a week ago. Every time they had talked, it was about other things, trivial things. Jinki had played the game out of respect, but he couldn't ignore the change in demeanour that the younger one displayed whenever they were in the same room. The latter feigned a laid-back attitude, but Jinki could see how uncomfortable he really was. He knew that there was only one way to move past that. He needed to have him open up.

  
So one afternoon after he had come back from university, he set out for the supermarket and bought everything he needed for the recipe he had in mind. He had not yet fulfilled his promise of making bibimbap and now was the perfect time to do so. Within an hour, he had everything ready. He smiled as he placed the bowls of food on the dining table. His plan was perfect. He knew the other wouldn't have stumbled on him while he was cooking since he had told him he'd be home around six. He didn't know where he had gone, but he was glad to see him take action somehow.

  
Now all that there was left to do was wait. He sat, not minding to find something to distract himself with. He had plenty of thoughts for that anyways. Ever since they had spent that day out together, there was a mix of emotions bubbling up inside him. He felt empathetic for the most part towards the other's situation, but he couldn't help but be frustrated, feeling that some days bordered anger. He just wanted to shake him out of his jadedness and help him see again what an incredible gift he had. But that wasn't the only thing bothering him. The whole conversation that had happened at the bar still irked him. The young man that seemed to have so much history with Jonghyun made him feel... well it bothered him, deeply. The conversation kept replaying in his mind, reminding him of how much he didn't know about the other. He wanted to move forward with him. He just wanted them to reconnect.

  
The door suddenly opened and in came Jonghyun with his guitar on his back. He couldn't see the brunette yet, but as soon as he walked past the kitchen, his eyes widened. He saw the food displayed on the table before his gaze moved to his friend.

  
'' Wow... '' he let out. '' You should've told me you were going to make that. ''

  
Jinki's brows rose as he stared at him. '' Why? Did you already eat? '' he asked with a little panic.

  
'' No, no, '' Jonghyun reassured. '' It's just that I could've helped you. ''

  
A wide smile stretched the older one's lips. '' Don't worry about it. I wanted to make supper for us. ''

  
'' Aah... '' Jonghyun put down his guitar and walked closer to the table. He pulled back a chair and sat, bringing them at arm's length distance.

  
'' How was your day? '' Jinki asked as he grabbed his chopsticks.

  
'' It was fine. '' Jonghyun also took his and started moving the food around in his bowl.

  
Jinki was disappointed that that was his only answer, but he was not defeated yet.

  
'' Did you play some guitar? '' he asked before taking a bite.

  
Jonghyun shook his head. '' I thought I might while I was out, but... I didn't. ''  
  
Jinki could feel the disappointment in his voice as he said those words. He now understood that the other still had that will inside of him, but probably felt too lost right now to harness it.

  
'' Well it's nice that you still brought it with you, '' Jinki recognized.

  
Jonghyun chuckled. '' Are you always so positive? '' He then took a mouthful that puffed up his cheeks.

  
Jinki watched the endearing sight for a few seconds. '' No, I just try to be, '' he admitted before he filled his own mouth with the good flavors.

  
'' Aaaah... '' Jonghyun looked into his bowl, thinking. '' I think that's admirable, '' he finally just said.

  
'' I have to say that it's easier for me to cheer for other people than for myself, '' the older one added in a somewhat sad tone. He put down his chopsticks. That realization always hit a nerve. He had never been able to truly see his worth which was why he couldn't tolerate seeing someone else being in the same mindset.

  
'' Even when they seem like lost causes? '' Jonghyun instantly inquired. His gaze was up, his eyes searching the brunette's face.

  
'' Well I don't really think there are lost causes... '' Jinki answered right away.

  
The blonde tilted his head to the side a fraction as if he was assessing the other. He then snorted.

  
'' That's naive, '' he squarely pointed out.

  
Jinki blinked at him, taken aback. He couldn't help but take offense to the younger one's words. '' Maybe, but I prefer to think this way, '' he defended.

  
Jonghyun half-smiled. '' You're something else... ''

  
The defensiveness that had welled up within him dissipated instantly at those words. He felt his face heat up. '' I don't think I've heard that before, '' he said with a little laugh.

  
'' Glad I'm the first, '' Jonghyun bantered with a playful smile.

  
Jinki looked away as his heart started beating faster. The other had a way of affecting him too easily and right now he needed to keep his mind clear.

  
'' Jjong... '' He started seriously. '' I didn't want to bring this up before, but I think it's time now, '' he exposed with much unease.

  
Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. '' Bring what up? ''

  
He gulped down some of his nervousness as a sense of dread rose inside him. '' What happened last week... ''

  
The younger one's jaw clenched with tension, his eyes narrowing in anger.  
'' What is there to talk about? ''

  
Jinki's eyes shifted as his mind raced. '' Well um... '' He cleared his throat. '' Well to start, you never really told me what happened between you and that guy... ''

  
The blonde snorted. '' Why should I? He's a scumbag. ''

  
'' But what did he do to you? '' Jinki inquired. '' I mean apart from giving you a black eye. ''

  
Jonghyun's face darkened, a frown creasing his brows. '' Why do you need to know that? ''

  
Jinki suddenly felt horrible. He didn't want the other to be mad at him. '' I'm just worried... ''

  
'' Stop worrying about me, '' Jonghyun sharply ordered.

  
Jinki swallowed hard again. '' I'm sorry, but I can't... ''

  
'' Why? '' Jonghyun loudly let out. His voice was filled with anger.

  
'' Because I care about you, '' Jinki instinctively admitted.

  
Jonghyun stared at him fixedly. Silence dragged between them for a few long seconds, filling the air with tension and unease. '' You don't want to care about me, '' he finally said in a tone that had lost some of its fire.

  
'' Yes, I do. You're my friend, '' Jinki expressed in a voice that didn't leave place for argument.

  
'' I don't want that... '' Jonghyun whispered as he looked down.

  
Jinki felt a pang in his chest. '' You don't want to be friends? '' he asked as he could already feel sadness spread through him.

  
'' No, '' Jonghyun immediately answered. '' I can't ... ''

  
The brunette's brows furrowed in confusion. '' What do you mean ? ''

  
'' Minho was right the other day. I don't care about people, I just use them for what I need, '' Jonghyun explained. He was still looking down, making it hard for the other to decipher his expression.

  
Jinki shook his head in disbelief. '' You're just saying that... ''

  
'' No, it's true. I'm a horrible person. '' Jonghyun suddenly got up, pushing his chair back in the process.

  
'' I won't be bothering you anymore, '' he then announced right before his legs went into motion.

  
Jinki got up fast to reach him. His hand gripped the other's arm, creating a vivid sense of déjà-vu.

  
'' Don't you walk out on me, '' he ordered. His impulse came out of desperation. He wasn't going to let things end this way. He turned the blonde towards him, bringing them immediately closer.  
'' Why are you doing this, Jjong? '' he asked as his chest tightened. He felt hurt in that moment. '' Why do you keep pushing me away? ''

  
'' Because that's what's best... '' Jonghyun said, head still lowered as to hide himself.

  
'' Best for who? '' Jinki pressed.

  
'' For both of us... ''

  
'' You can't make that decision for me. I never said I wanted you out of my life, '' Jinki pointed out with a rarely encountered vehemence.

  
'' Sooner or later you will and I can't let... '' Jonghyun stopped himself. He couldn't go on.

  
'' Can't let what? '' Jinki urged, his mind going crazy from the present moment.

  
Jonghyun bit his lip. He finally looked up to meet the taller one's eyes. '' I can't let myself fall for you. ''

  
'' Wha-what? '' Jinki searched the other's eyes, frozen in place. He knew he had heard right, but his mind couldn't wrap itself around those words. There was no way that meant what he thought it meant.

  
'' You heard me, Jinki. '' Jonghyun held his gaze, his eyes gleaming with sudden emotion. '' It's better if I just go before I mess things up... '' He pulled away and stepped back, but didn't move any further.

  
Jinki's heart was beating so fast at this point, he was scared he might faint. He couldn't move and he couldn't look away. He knew there were a lot of clever things to say in that moment, but none of them were coming to mind. He could only stare at the human being he had grown so fond of. He could only...

  
His heart skipped a beat as the other stepped forward again. '' Aren't you going to say anything? '' The blonde's mouth was aligned perfectly as to brush his Adam's apple. His breath tickled it softly. Jinki shivered.

  
'' Jjong... '' His breath was already quickening as they stood excruciatingly close. He swallowed hard making his Adam's apple bob in his throat.

  
Jonghyun stepped back again. He chewed on his lip, his gaze down to the floor. '' See I can barely contain myself as it is... ''

  
Jinki knew that now was a defining decision-making moment. He had let go of so many things in his life before because he had been so scared... he didn't want another repeat. Whether he had it all figured out or not, he knew what really was in his heart.

  
'' Jjong... '' His voice was weak; he felt weak. Maybe words wouldn't make it this time. Maybe he didn't have to conceptualize and make sense of, but just be, just feel. He walked up to the other. One hand found his jaw, his index finger and thumb gently grabbing his chin to bring his head up. Their eyes locked.

  
Jinki could now hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Panic and desire were battling inside him, making his whole system go into overdrive. The latter feeling won over quickly as his eyes scrutinized the other's beautiful face. He leaned in and kissed him gently, his hand briefly staying on his chin before his arm instinctively descended down his side. He wrapped it around his tiny waist and pulled him closer, making him gasp between his lips.

  
'' Ji-Jinki... '' Jonghyun breathed as he abruptly pulled away. His pupils were dilated with the onset of lust, the pulse in his throat racing. '' Don't... ''

  
Jinki couldn't help but feel even more enticed now. The sight the other was offering was truly hard to resist and he wanted nothing more than to give in to the storm of emotions bubbling up inside him. He went for another kiss, this time being not so gentle. He sucked his bottom lip, gnawing softly on it before he pushed his tongue in.

  
A moan broke from the blonde's throat, vibrating through their kiss. All his defenses were crumbling down... he moaned again as their tongues danced, bringing his head to instinctively tilt to give the other better access. As they explored each other's mouth in an almost desperate manner, Jonghyun wrapped his arms around the taller one's neck, leaning more into him simultaneously.

  
A groan broke them apart as Jonghyun pressed his groin flush against the other's. The pressure sent a jolt of pleasure down both their spines.

  
'' Maybe we should stop... '' Jonghyun breathed against his neck. His breathing was shallow, having barely recovered from their passionate embrace.

  
Jinki's chest heaved as he tried to even his own breathing. He didn't know what to say. He felt like he had just tapped into a side of himself that had been yearning to get awakened. He ran a hand through his hair as if that would help get his mind right.

  
'' If that's what you want... '' He couldn't help but say. He knew in that moment there was something very different from the other times he had found himself in that position. Even if it was subtle, he was manifesting resistance, he wasn't just letting go with a _Yeah, maybe..._

  
The responsibility was now on the other's shoulders. Jonghyun's eyes widened in surprise. '' Are you saying that you want us to... '' He let his sentence hang, making the implication that much clearer.

  
Jinki felt himself blush. That's why he had opted for not putting words on the whole situation; that usually ruined things. He bit his lip, trying to focus on his thoughts but ultimately giving up. His mind could only understand one thing right now.

  
His eyes closed as he kissed the other softly on the temple. '' Yeah... '' His voice was down to a whisper, his lips teasingly brushing the smaller one's skin as he spoke.

  
Jonghyun shivered. He once against pressed against him, intertwining their fingers together as he looked up at him with unconcealed longing. '' You're full of surprises, Lee Jinki. '' His tone dipped sensually lower, his lips then stretching into an inviting smile.

  
Jinki squeezed his hands, trying to keep some composure. '' Is it that surprising that I'd want such an attractive man? '' The fact that those words had left his mouth was the only surprising thing really.

  
'' Jinki... '' His name rolled off the other's tongue with such sensuality that it took him everything not to slam his little body against a wall. Instead, he trapped him into a tight hug, inhaling his sweet and musky scent as his eyes closed again.

  
'' Jinki... '' Jonghyun said again. His voice didn't have the same softness to it. He was growing impatient.

  
'' Let's go to your bed. '' Without warning, he pulled on the other's arm and dragged him to the said room. The roles were suddenly inversed as the other took the lead, not giving them time to actually settle on the bed. He grabbed the back of the other's neck and smashed their lips together, their teeth clashing unceremoniously as the kiss became more and more passionate by the second.

  
The need for air brought them apart, but made for the perfect opportunity to move things further. Jonghyun pushed the taller one onto his mattress and swiftly straddled him, moving into his lap very deliberately.

  
Jinki held in his breath, his body tense all over from the friction the other's movements were creating.

  
Jonghyun pecked his lips. '' Are you okay? '' A teasing smile was now dancing on them.

  
Jinki frowned. Okay was not the word. '' Don't make fun, '' he said, half-disgruntled, half-embarrassed.

  
The blonde's eyebrows rose. '' Wait... '' His eyes then widened. '' Are you... are you a virgin? ''

  
Heat rushed up his neck before stinging his cheeks. '' No, no, '' he instantly answered. He bit his lip, his head lowering as thoughts finally made their way back into his brain. '' It's just... it's been a long time... '' His body felt even more warm as the confession left his mouth.

  
'' Oh. '' Jonghyun felt affection well up in his heart. Sudden impulse had him covering the other's face with kisses, showing him how that little fact didn't matter one bit. His lips finally found his ear. '' I'll make you feel good, don't worry, '' he softly whispered, his last word punctuated with a slow roll of his hips.

  
Jinki's breathing hitched. He hid his turmoil by burying his head into the crook of the blonde's neck, wrapping his arms around him instinctively. He felt the rumble of laughter in the chest against his.

  
'' Or we could just stay like this all night, '' Jonghyun taunted as he played with the other's hair.

  
Jinki pulled back to meet his eyes. He gave him a sweet kiss before saying, '' That won't be enough. ''

  
Jonghyun smiled an alluring smile before he got down to business. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged it over his head. His eyes stopped on the beautiful chest that was in front of him. His hands instantly found themselves roaming the soft but toned skin, relishing the sensations underneath his palms while his mind inevitably asked for more. '' Gosh, you're beautiful. '' He drawled the last word as his fingers stopped at his nipples. He lightly pinched them before his mouth took the relay and gave them a few licks and sucks.

  
Jinki let out a low groan as teeth joined in, abusing the now oversensitive nubs. He brought a hand up and tugged at the other's hair. '' Jjong... '' He was breathless, his mind already a mess. This was already too much, but also not enough. '' Please... I need more. '' He found himself pleading from the discomfort the growing tightness in his jeans was causing him.

  
Jonghyun immediately complied. Their eyes met only for a brief moment before the brunette was pushed down onto the mattress, leaving him completely defenceless in front of the one towering him. Swift hands unbuckled his belt before they started pushing down his pants. Jinki knew to lift his hips, making the process a whole lot easier. In his eagerness, Jonghyun also dragged down his briefs until they were on the floor. He moved back up a little, his eyes stopping on his nether region where a very prominent erection was demanding attention. '' Goddammit... '' The word had come out instantly upon the sight before him. '' Gosh, it's a shame I won't be having this inside me tonight... '' He whined before taking a hold of it.

  
Jinki hissed, all shyness that he could've felt in that moment suddenly thrown out the window. His arm immediately came up to cover his eyes, the anticipation bubbling up inside him menacing to make him explode at any second. He waited for whatever the other's wicked mind had in store, but nothing more happened.

  
'' Jinki... '' Jonghyun sensually drawled. '' Look at me. '' His order was gentle, seductive, making it impossible for the other not to obey.

  
Jinki propped himself up on his elbows. He swallowed hard, irritating his already dry throat as he waited for what was about to happen.

  
He wasn't one for making assumptions on other people, but he quickly gathered that the blonde wasn't one for foreplay. Without notice, the latter brought his mouth to his member and went down on him. Despite the brunette's girth bordering the limitations of what he could endure near his throat, he swallowed him almost entirely.

  
Jinki couldn't help the loud moan that left his lips, his hips bucking in response to the other's assault. He felt a hand firmly push him back down and knew not to make another move. Which was incredibly hard as the heat surrounding his member and the thick tongue lapping at its underside was driving him nuts.

  
'' Fuck... '' He let out as he watched the other enthusiastically give him head. His head was bobbing up and down on his shaft in a comfortable tempo, which was only more painful for him. He could feel the experience behind those motions, but his mind couldn't give it any more thought. '' Nng... Jjong... Aaah...'' The other had stopped at the top only to let his tongue run over his slit and all around the crown of his cock, lapping up the pre-cum oozing. All the while, his hazel eyes were on him, full of lust. Jinki swallowed hard again as he looked back at him. His heart was thrumming in his chest, his chest heaving from the havoc the other's actions were creating inside of him. Another unrestrained moan left his mouth as the other swallowed him whole again. '' Ah, fuck... stop, stop... '' Jinki pleaded as he felt his release dawning on him.

  
Instead of complying this time, Jonghyun cupped his balls, gently massaging them as he continued to dip his head over his cock. Jinki whined, unknowingly squirming as a sense of urgency overpowered him. The blonde suddenly relented on his tempo, giving a few more sucks and licks before he removed his lips from him with a lewd pop.

  
'' Can't let you have all the fun... '' Jonghyun's voice was hoarse from putting such strain onto his mouth, but it had for great side-effect to make the other want him even more.

  
Jinki watched as the other got up and gave a quick look around the room. '' Lube, condom? '' the latter straightforwardly asked.

  
The brunette extended an arm towards the nightstand beside the bed and took out the items from the first drawer. He unceremoniously tossed them at the end of the bed, his mind too taken by the fact that this was all really happening to polish his aim.

  
A low chuckle rumbled in the blonde's chest. '' Impatient, much? '' he teased right before taking off his own shirt. He looked into darker eyes as he started pushing down everything else. He still didn't look away as he stood naked before the one who was now devouring him with his gaze. '' Maybe that's enough now... What do you think? '' He knew how malicious he was being right now, but that was something that he couldn't help. He never had much patience for lots of teasing and such, but something in the way the other one was looking at him made him feel so wanted that he couldn't just give in so easily.

  
Jinki slowly shook his head, rendered silent by the sight before him. He had seen the other's bare chest before but the full view was something else. The blonde was considerably smaller in stature than he was, but every part of his body was a perfect balance of firmness and delicateness. Apart from the one thing his eyes could now not leave; it truly was far from being delicate.

  
As Jonghyun followed the other's gaze, he brought a hand to his member and gave it a few strokes. '' You want that? '' he teased some more despite his actions making him suffer in return.

  
Jinki swallowed hard. Maybe his assumption hadn't been accurate after all. He was dying over here while the other seemed to be having a pretty fun time just teasing him. '' Jjong... come on... '' he whined as he straightened up some more. Without much thought, he found himself crawling to the end of the bed, his arm now at close enough distance to reach the one standing. He grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. '' Please... '' He said as their eyes locked again. He could see in those dark orbs that he wasn't the only one consumed by desire. Jonghyun was putting on a show, but soon enough the strength to go on would leave him.

  
Jinki left a kiss on his pale chest before leaving a few more all along its median line until he reached right under his navel. Before he could go on, he was pushed back lightly. He looked up again and noticed the other's tense jaw.

  
'' No, no, you're not allowed down there, '' Jonghyun firmly voiced before he finally took the lube and condom nearby. Another push on the other's chest let the latter know to move back to his previous spot.

  
Jinki lied down. His heart was now fluttering as the mixture of want and nervousness that had been pooling in his stomach now rippled through him. He saw the other settle between his parted legs before grabbing them. '' Hold them up, '' Jonghyun ordered.

  
The brunette did just that even though his mind was already manifesting resistance. He never liked to be exposed and right now he couldn't be in a more vulnerable state. The other had a perfect view of everything going on down there and that was enough to make him want to bail out. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't ruin this moment for anything in the world.

  
'' Oh god, Jinki... '' Jonghyun leaned in between his folded legs and gave a kiss right on the crevice of his butt cheeks. He then let his tongue run along it before his hand pressed on the skin beside to spread him open more. The thick and slick flesh was now teasing his puckered hole, drawing circles around it before he pushed in.

  
'' Aaaah... '' Jinki cried out as the hold on his legs became shaky.

'' D-don't do that... it's gross... '' The brunette managed to say as he caught his breath mid-sentence. His words were heard as he suddenly felt the other's tongue leave him.

  
'' What's gross about it? '' Jonghyun gently asked, his breath tickling the skin of his ass. '' I want to get every taste of you that I can, '' he then said before resuming his previous deed. His tongue pushed in deeper, the tight ring of muscles around it clenching automatically. He heard the other moan uncontrollably as he wet the tight space with his saliva. Jonghyun was having more and more difficulty going on as his impatience grew. His cock twitched as he suddenly thought of how that tightness would feel around it. After a few more in and outs he completely pulled out only to replace the slick intrusion by a bigger one, which was his lube-coated fingers. He pushed one in and got the same response as he had before. The other clenched so tight that his finger was trapped into place.

  
'' Jinki... '' Jonghyun softly called. '' You need to relax, '' he indicated as his eyes set on him.

  
Jinki looked back at him, his chest softly heaving from all the commotion his body was being put through. He had never liked that preliminary part. It was always really uncomfortable and now was no different. He nodded as there really was no other option. He took a deep breath before exhaling, repeating the cycle a few times to help him relax. Soon he felt the other's finger rocking inside of him slowly and gently to make him used to the intrusion. He bore with the initial discomfort with winces and groans until that feeling subsided to let in more pleasure. That finger was soon not enough and he found himself trying to meet the other's thrusts by raising his hips.

  
Jonghyun got the cue and joined another finger in even though his focus was starting to falter. The sensual noises the other was now making as he was taking in his fingers was a little too much. He kept at it for a few more seconds before he finally had enough. His cock was in terrible pain and all that was registering now was that he needed to delve into that tight ass.

  
He straightened, finally towering over the brunette again. He took hold of his legs, motioning for him to wrap them around his waist. Jinki blinked at him, not moving. '' Don't you want me to... turn around? '' he asked with a little panic lodged in his voice.

  
Jonghyun's eyebrow cocked. '' Why would I want that? '' He suddenly noticed the subtle blush on the brunette's cheeks. A smug smile stretched his lips before he leaned down to closely face him. '' I want to see your face, '' he admitted as his hands caressed the side of his hips.

  
Jinki clearly felt the shiver that ran down his spine at those words. He felt feverish, almost out of his mind, and he knew there was really no credible resistance he could put up in that moment. His legs hooked around his waist as Jonghyun straightened again and grabbed the small package containing the condom. He ripped it open before he slid the rubber over his length. A liberal amount of lube on it sealed the deal before he aligned himself just the right way.

  
'' Are you ready? '' Jonghyun asked, half-playful, half-serious. It was more playful really because just as the one beneath him was about to form an answer, he spread one of his cheeks with a hand and brushed the tip of his dick to the twitching hole, the action enough to make him groan from pleasure. '' Oh man...'' His lids slowly came down over his eyes, his mind and body overthrown with his need to be inside of him.

  
Jinki's pupils were dilated with arousal, making the hue of his eyes almost pitch-dark. Any inhibition or doubt was now completely dissolved as he was filled with the same urgency that emanated from the other. '' Jjong... I need you... please... '' He begged without shame.

  
Something inside Jonghyun snapped. He wanted to hear more of that neediness, he wanted to make him completely subservient to him. He slowly pushed in, still squeezing on his cheek to give himself more room, but as soon as he felt that heat around his tip, he let go of restraint and moved in deeper.

  
'' Aaah... '' Jinki bit his lip to keep himself from crying out more as small pangs of pain surged through his bottom. He was grateful that Jonghyun did stop when he was completely inside of him, giving him some time to adjust. But by the look the blonde was giving him, he knew that time wouldn't be very long. And he was right.

  
Jonghyun snapped his hips back and forth, making the other's body slightly shift in the process. '' Oh fuck... '' He let out breathily as the sensation he had been yearning for turned out to be far more overwhelming than anything he could've imagined. The rings of muscles clenching around him in a tight slick heat were enough to make him cum on the spot. And the crazy thrusts he couldn't help only added to that. He was already dancing dangerously on the edge of his orgasm and maybe if he had had some part of his brain still functioning he would've reined in his force, but he was completely losing it.

  
'' Jjong... '' The name drawled out from the one beneath him, his body shuddering from the forcefulness.

  
Jonghyun's unfocused gaze was on him, but he was still too wrapped up in his own lust. He gave another sharp thrust which had the other cry out so loudly, he had to pause.

  
'' D-do that again... '' Jinki pleaded shakily, soft pants following his words.

  
Jonghyun frowned, but he instantly understood as his eyes finally saw the other's face. If it was any indication, his flustered face and jaw hanging slack were telling him he had found his sweet spot. He wanted to hear more of the other's rough and sexy voice so he tried to hit that spot more carefully, just to tease a little.

  
Jinki mewled with pleasure as his hands fisted the sheets tightly. The bundle of nerves the other was brushing up against filled him with a delight that was so good it was painful. All his muscles clenched, the only thing that gave indication that he had any control left. He finally relaxed as he felt a tap on his ass.

  
'' Stop trapping me, '' Jonghyun managed to joke despite his own body almost shaking from how sexy he found the other right now. He had worked up quite a sweat from all the effort and the sight before him only made him feel even more hot.

  
'' Jjong... I need it... faster... '' Jinki couldn't care how he sounded right now, he just needed more. He wanted to be full of this man as long as possible.

  
A low groan rumbled from the blonde's throat. He lowered himself onto him, enjoying the skin to skin contact. '' You're so fucking hot, baby... Do you know that? '' he said in such a sultry way it made the other clench hard around him again. Another groan left his lips.

  
Jinki looked away, unable to meet his eyes in that moment. His body was in such a state of heat, he was surprised he hadn't spontaneously combusted yet. '' Stop it... '' He bit his lip. He heard the other chuckle before he moved back a bit. Jinki was caught off guard by another thrust, but settled fast into the other's rhythm as he picked up speed. '' Aah... uunf.. yeess... '' The sounds were tumbling out of him unrepressed, unabashed.

  
Jonghyun still managed to keep himself in check enough to slam into his prostate repeatedly, the lewd moans made by that sexy voice beneath him bringing him closer and closer to his release. His eyes were half-closed as he was engulfed by the sensations and the sounds of flesh slapping flesh whilst his own groans and gasps punctuated the messy symphony. '' Ah babyyy... this feels... uugh... '' He gave up on speaking as he got even closer to the edge. His nails dug into his hips, his thrusts suddenly getting lazier as his breathing got heavier.

  
Meanwhile Jinki who had been so wrapped up by the sensation of being filled finally gave some attention to his dick, grabbing the shaft firmly. He tried to match the other's tempo with his strokes, but he soon picked up the pace as his need to cum trumped everything else. He could already feel himself tumbling into a mind-blowing orgasm as Jonghyun's pounding and his own strokes succeeded each other, creating a corrosive cocktail. His body shook violently as he came, the action making him clench tightly around the other's dick.

  
The sight of Jinki wrapped up so deep in his pleasure and coming undone in such a lewd way had Jonghyun following right after, a strangled groan escaping his throat as he came with a few more quick thrusts. Thick spurts of cum filled the condom while he froze into place, the only thing moving being his lips as he moaned the other man's name.

  
He gently collapsed onto the brunette. Their bodies tangled into a heap of sweaty and sticky limbs. Heavy panting was the only sounds they made for a while, both having their eyes closed to recover from the pleasure and effort that had just wracked their bodies.

  
Finally, Jonghyun moved off the brunette to get rid of the dirty condom. He tied it into a knot before tossing it in the bin nearby. He then got up and left the room without a word, which had the other prop himself up onto his elbows, panic already rising inside of him.

  
That feeling didn't last long as the blonde came back with towels. '' Here, '' he said as he threw one on his stomach. Jinki wiped himself clean, enjoying the warm moistness of the fabric on his skin. He then looked at Jonghyun, who had just let himself fall onto the mattress again. The latter settled onto his side to face him.

  
'' Are you okay? '' Jonghyun softly asked, his brows furrowing in concern.

  
'' Um, yeah... '' Jinki answered, unsettled by the other's sudden seriousness.

  
'' I mean... '' Jonghyun bit his lip. '' I know I kinda lost it... '' He looked down as his guilt spiked up a notch.

  
Jinki's eyes widened with surprise for a second before his lips stretched into a sweet smile. '' Yeah, you did, '' he teased with a little laugh.

  
Jonghyun looked up and stared at him in disbelief. '' So... there's no problem? '' he carefully asked.

  
'' Jjong... '' Jinki softly started. '' That was... it was amazing... '' The words brought color to his cheeks again, but he tried not to let it faze him.

  
A bright smile lit Jonghyun's face. '' Yeah, it was. '' He brought a hand to the brunette's cheek and caressed it. '' Thank you, '' he then said.

  
'' For? '' Jinki inquired as he relished the feeling of the other's hand on him.

  
'' For everything, '' Jonghyun answered with another smile. Before the other could say another word, he pulled him closer, his arm instinctively wrapping around him.

  
Jinki felt so overwhelmed again that he couldn't speak another word. Instead, he closed his eyes and nestled his head into the other's chest, inhaling his comforting scent as he felt tiredness creep in.

  
'' Oh fuck... '' Jonghyun suddenly voiced.

  
'' What? '' Jinki said absent-mindedly.

  
'' We didn't finish the food, '' he noted before a laugh vibrated through his chest.

  
Jinki smiled against him. '' Later... '' Slumber was already claiming him and he wasn't going to fight it.

  
Jonghyun laughed again at the other's sleepy tone. '' Fine... '' He kissed the top of his head before his own eyes closed.

  
The room fell silent as they both fell into unconsciousness.


	3. Those words.

_Jinki slowly opened his eyes as rays of sunlight beamed into them through partially opened blinds. His head lolled to the side as a grunt left his mouth. His mind took a few more minutes to awaken explaining why he didn't instantly panic. When he finally realized that he was alone, he straightened immediately as his heart started beating much faster. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and stepped out of his room, going straight to the other's. A wave of relief crashed over him as he saw that his stuff was still in place. He stepped back and made his way to the kitchen, hoping to find him there. His lips stretched into a wide smile as he saw the blonde in front of the stove, mixing something into a bowl. He silently approached, his body warmed all over by the fact that it hadn't been a dream, that this was real. He wrapped his arms around the man's little waist and planted a kiss behind his ear._

  
_Jonghyun jumped slightly at the sudden embrace, but leaned back into him comfortably as he recognized the other's touch. '' Jinki... '' he softly breathed as he put down the whisk he had been holding. He closed his eyes as he felt the other hold him tighter, his lips teasingly brushing the crook of his neck. And then he felt it. He abruptly turned around._

  
'' _No boxers, huh? '' he said as he looked down the taller one's body with an amused smile._

  
_Jinki instantly blushed. '' Oh... '' That had completely escaped his mind in his state of panic. '' Um... I'll be right back, '' he said right before running towards his room. He heard the other's laugh and felt even more embarrassed._

  
_He rapidly found a clean pair to put on himself before he retrieved his previous spot. He found Jonghyun putting some of the mixture into a pan before he turned to the coffee machine._

  
_'' What are you doing? '' Jinki verified._

  
_Jonghyun gave him one of the sweetest smiles he had ever seen. '' I thought I'd make us breakfast. I don't know about you, but I'm starving, '' he said as he started making coffee._

  
_Jinki suddenly felt the hollowness in his stomach. He then looked back towards the dining table and saw the bowls of food they had left there. He shook his head. Such a waste, he thought. '' Are you making pancakes? '' he gathered from what was sizzling in the pan._

  
_'' Yeah, '' Jonghyun answered enthusiastically. '' It's pretty much the only meal I'm confident that I can make perfectly, '' he continued with another dazzling smile._

  
_Jinki smiled back. He couldn't help but notice how happy the other seemed in that moment. He had feared that maybe what had happened between them would've made things incredibly awkward, but instead, here they were conversing as if it were just another day. Actually no, it felt different than any other day. Jinki could feel that the blonde was much more at ease._

  
_'' Just sit and wait a little, '' Jonghyun indicated. '' I'll bring it all to you. ''_

  
_Jinki did as he was told. It was close to half an hour before they got to enjoy their lovely breakfast, both of them humming their contentment as it was something they hadn't eaten in a long time. The rest of the morning was filled with smiles, loving touches and frivolous conversations._

  
_It had all seemed so perfect..._

  
Jinki banged his head against his desk. A loud grunt left his mouth, not from pain, but from the fact that it hadn't helped him one bit. He felt so horrible, so pathetic... He let his head rest against the cold metal, not tempted at all to face the world again. His class had just been another element to add to his list of embarrassments and he was now feeling like his reputation was permanently stained. These past few days had all been the same and it wasn't getting better. He just couldn't move past what troubled him to the core. He missed Jonghyun so bad, he was scared he'd never be able to get over that feeling. What made it even worse was that he hadn't even had the chance to get some closure. The blonde had just disappeared one day, leaving him to worry and be torn with grief. He had looked everywhere for him. He had gone to the bar they had visited, he had gone down the street they had first met several times and even stopped at the park they had spent time in. He was desperate. He couldn't call him, he couldn't do anything more. He could only wait and hope... hope the other would make it back to him somehow.

  
He finally lifted his head as weariness took over him. He knew he'd rather be at home right now getting some rest than continue to wallow in his misery in his classroom. He got up and picked up his stuff before making his way out. As usual, the streets were packed, but he had enough on his mind to not even realize. It was only a few minutes before he was in front of the street that now held such meaning to him. He had started avoiding it, feeling like taking that route was hurting him more than anything, but today he just wanted to feel that pain. He walked on the sidewalk, his gaze to the ground, trying to keep it all in as he felt his heart well up with emotion.

  
_'' Whenever I see you babe, I'm always out of it... ''_

  
The familiar voice had him stop dead in his tracks. He looked up and his heart jumped inside his chest. There he was. There he was... Jinki bit his lip, trying to keep in whatever was menacing to come out. He watched from afar, like the first time, being the invisible fan he was apparently meant to be. His soothing voice hypnotized him, rendered him powerless.

  
_'' I'll take my usual babe_  
You know what I want  
You already know what I want  
It's only you. ''

  
The words rung in his ears. Those words hurt. He wanted to be the object of that want but obviously that was not the case. He couldn't take it anymore. Feeling his lip quiver, he turned around and made his way back the opposite way.

  
This would've truly been a golden opportunity to ask for answers, to get himself some closure, but he wouldn't face him anymore. He had showed numerous times that he wanted to be there for him, to be with him and he wasn't going to waste his breath once again. With that thought, he made his way home, ready to erase the world behind shut eyes.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
It was a Thursday afternoon. The sky was grey and the clouds thick and heavy. A recurrence over the last couple of days. Jinki wasn't actually out this time, but he could see it from outside his window. It had been days since he had stepped into the outside world. Fortunately for him, the end of the semester had arrived in those troubled times and he had somehow managed to go through the last classes with a brilliantly faked passion and sense of humour. Now he had all the time he needed to be miserable and he was already doing an excellent job at it. Waking up at noon or later, having a diet of basically just coffee and junk food and never wearing anything else than his pajamas was starting to feel like a reality he could get used to. He had never felt so low that he couldn't function because he had always been too afraid to disappoint the others surrounding him, whether it was his parents, his teachers, his friends... But right now he didn't give a damn. He was going to be selfish, because he was tired of giving. Every time, he lost more of himself in the process and he knew if he kept at it he'd end up disappearing.

  
And he couldn't disappear, just in case... Jinki shook his head. If there was one thing he still wasn't excelling at was letting go. All throughout the day, he was harassed, persecuted, tortured, haunted by the image of the other, by the sound of his voice, by the feeling of his touch, and there was nothing worse than that. He really wanted to move on. He had finally understood that that tall friend of his was right. Even he had tried to warn him. I don't care about people, I just use them for what I need. He kept remembering those words to fuel his rage, to fuel his need to erase his existence, but he couldn't help but still doubt them. He still remembered that evening... He bit his lip. He'd always end up holding onto how he had felt in that moment, the desire, the desperation, the love... Which was exactly what he had seen in the other's eyes and had felt through his actions. But maybe it had just been some wicked game the latter had played to make himself feel better. Maybe he was the type of person who got a kick out of ruining other peoples' lives.

  
Jinki chuckled a low throaty sound. How much more pathetic could he be? That's why people always called him naive. He'd fall for any type of kindness and acknowledgement of his existence. Was it a crime to want love though? All these thoughts were getting him weary and he decided on making himself another cup of coffee. In the matter of seconds, the machine was turned on and the comforting sound of it pouring into the container made him feel a little more at ease. Right before sleepiness pulled him in further, he filled his cup with the hot liquid and made his way back to his couch. There wasn't much he wanted to do because nothing seemed to be able to capture his attention lately. He still figured he could watch a movie to give himself a few seconds of distraction in between toxic thoughts. The frighteningly silent apartment was now filled with the sounds of the television he had just turned on. He scanned through the channels absently, not really minding what was going on. He suddenly put the remote down as he caught a movie he used to watch when he was younger. A weak smile stretched his lips. He always had had a soft spot for animation movies. He started remembering the plot as the main character extended a hand to pull his friend out of an abyss that was ready to engulf him. He felt a lump in his throat. He wished he had someone like that who could do that for him. Minutes passed and the movie got sadder and sadder. Soon enough, tears started running down his face before falling down onto his shirt or his pants. He didn't bother wiping them off, too immersed in what he was feeling to remember his body.

  
_Ding._

  
Jinki's eyes stayed glued to the screen, his ears deaf to the sound of the bell.

  
_Ding._

  
He finally snapped out of it, his brows furrowing in confusion as he heard it ring again. There was no way that sound could've come from the movie. His gaze finally went to the door. He was suddenly scared. He hadn't been expecting anyone and it was unlikely that one of his neighbors had just decided to pay him a visit. He still got up, finally taking care of wiping off his tears. With an intrigued and hopeful mind, he walked to the door before unlocking it and turning the knob.

  
His whole body froze as he stared into familiar hazel eyes. The pretty almond-shaped orbs were looking at him with surprise and what he could feel was fear. He stepped back and let him in, like the docile human being he was or rather to give the illusion that he was still that kind of person.

  
He closed the door behind them as the other walked in, then gestured for him to settle in the armchair. As the blonde walked towards it, Jinki couldn't help but notice how good he looked. His hair had grown again and that only was enough to make his weak little heart flutter. He sat down on the couch he had just been in and turned the TV off. Silence filled the space again, this time awkward and tense.

  
'' So how have you been? '' Jonghyun asked as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

  
Jinki's gaze narrowed as his brows furrowed. He couldn't believe it. Was he really trying to make small talk? He didn't know if he should snap at him or laugh it off. He chose neither. '' I've been alright, '' he simply said in a tone that almost succeeded at not letting his anger show.

  
Jonghyun wasn't blind though. He could see how angry the brunette was. And he had every right to be.

  
'' Aaah... '' He felt embarrassed. He had wanted to deliver his message confidently, but all his strength was rapidly withering as he was kicked in the guts with the other's reality. He could see the last days and even maybe weeks had been rough on him. His messy hair, his growing stubble (which instantly made him feel weird things inside), the pajamas, the numerous cups on the table and his overall demeanour were speaking loud and clear.

  
'' Jinki... '' he softly spoke. His gaze was searching for forgiveness, his mouth failing to help him voice his thoughts.

  
Jinki felt his heart rate quicken. Those eyes were truly going to be the end of him. They drew him in with such ease, that he was scared of what his next actions would be.

  
Fortunately, Jonghyun still had enough resolve to keep on with his purpose. '' I'm sorry, '' he clearly voiced with all the regret and guilt he had been stacking up since they had parted ways.

  
'' You're sorry? '' Jinki instantly threw back in disbelief. '' Is that it? '' he went on, having no more will to contain his emotions.

  
Jonghyun bit his lip, slowly chewing on it as he tried to gather his thoughts. '' Yes, I am, '' he finally said.

  
'' I'm not here to beg you to take me back, because I've lost that right, but I do want you to forgive me, '' he kept on, trying his best not to sound too nervous.

  
Jinki snorted at those words. This was getting more and more unbelievable. '' So if I understand correctly, I should forgive you just so you can feel better and move on with your life? '' His jaw then clenched.

  
Jonghyun swallowed hard. He had known this wasn't going to be easy, but having the other look at him with such anger was unbearable.

  
'' No... '' His voice was strained, feeble. He cleared his throat. '' I just want us to end things well. ''

  
At that, Jinki lost it. His shoulders shook with unrestrained laughter. It was a few seconds before it died out and he was able to face the blonde again. '' Wow... I can't believe you... '' His tone showed real surprise, unable to get over what he had just heard.

  
Jonghyun felt beyond stupid. Everything he had been meaning to say was coming out wrong and making the other despise him even more. '' Look, '' he started, '' I know I'm the only one to blame here for how things ended. I was... '' He took a deep breath. '' I was a coward, '' he resumed, '' But I want to make things right now. ''

  
Jinki cocked an eyebrow. '' What do you mean by that? The coward part I mean, '' he specified.

  
Jonghyun swallowed hard again against his now dry throat. '' I mean that shit got too real and I got scared... '' he admitted as he looked down.

  
'' What scared you? '' Jinki inquired in a pressing tone.

  
The blonde sighed. '' That you'd realize that I'm not worth it, that you'd dump me, '' he finally let out as he felt his chest tighten. He had never shared that kind of thought with someone before, because he had never created the opportunity for that to happen. He'd usually just leave and never come back.

  
'' Oh so you decided it'd be better if you did it first, '' Jinki reasoned with spite.

  
Jonghyun gave him a pleading look. He knew how stupid he had been, but for once in his life he wanted to take responsibility for his actions. He hadn't been able to move on like the other times and he knew that was a sign that he needed to stop with all his bullshit.

  
'' I know what I did was... '' Jonghyun knew there was no proper word for it. Words weren't doing him any good right now. He searched his thoughts again and again, but couldn't come up with anything. Just as he was about to give up, his eyes grew wide in realization. He knew what to do.

  
'' I wrote you something... '' he shyly said, before meeting his eyes again. He could see the surprised look on the other's face. '' Just listen, please, '' he asked before he straightened a little more into his seat.

  
'' _Oooh, I'm sorry babe, I messed up babe_, '' the blonde started out melodiously.

  
Jinki felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn't ready for this.

  
'' _But when I'm with you, you make me lose my mind_, '' he went on, forcing himself to hold the brunette's gaze as he sang the words that had only been meant for him.

  
'' _Whatever it is, please stop it, because whenever I see you, I'm always out of it..._ ''

  
He took a deep breath, feeling his emotions overwhelm him. '' _I'll take my usual, babe. You know what I want, you already know... it's only you._ '' He ended his line perfectly, the momentum picking up as he felt the brunette waver.

  
Jinki had heard those words before. He had been hurt by those words before, wishing they were for him and now he had his answer. He felt a tear run down his cheek. His defenses were crumbling, but he couldn't do anything about it. Jonghyun had found his weak spot. The words kept pouring out of the other's mouth with a sincerity that was crippling. Despite having heard him sing several times, he felt like it was the first time. His voice was so beautiful, so powerful... Other tears joined in and his vision blurred. He wiped them off rapidly not wanting to lose the contact their gazes created.

  
Jonghyun finally reached the end, his voice softening as the last words crossed his lips. He took a deep breath, relieved that he had been able to convey all that he had wanted to into his song.

  
Silence dragged on for what felt like ages, both of them finally breaking contact as they looked away. Jinki was feeling embarrassed because of his tears. He had wanted to look strong. He hadn't wanted to let the other get to him in such a poignant way. Now the damage was done and he had to deal with it.

  
'' I heard you sing that the other day... well part of it... '' he shared as he absently stared at his hands.

  
'' What? '' Jonghyun exclaimed in surprise. His mind was running wild with the thought.

  
'' Yeah, I was walking down the street I first saw you on and I heard you, '' Jinki continued.

  
Jonghyun felt a pang in his chest. '' Oh... '' It hurt in some way to know that he had chosen not to confront him.

  
'' I'm glad you started singing in public again, '' Jinki noted with a ghost of a smile.

  
'' Yeah... I guess... '' Jonghyun didn't really care about that right now. '' What do you think about the song? '' he asked timidly.

  
'' It's beautiful. Very touching... I mean my tears are a pretty good indication of that, '' he tried to joke, but he failed to muster up even a little laugh.

  
Jonghyun felt heat rush to his cheeks. '' Like I said, it's a song I wrote for you... thinking about you... ''

  
'' So what am I supposed to do now? '' Jinki asked in all sincerity. '' Am I supposed to accept your apology so we can properly say goodbye? '' His voice cracked on the last word. He tightened his lips to keep some composure.

  
Jonghyun looked at him with uncontainable sadness. '' I guess that's all that's left to do now... ''

  
'' I never wanted you to leave, '' Jinki let out in a voice raw with emotion.

  
They held each other's gazes for what felt like the longest time, both lost in their turmoil.

  
'' I never wanted to leave either, '' Jonghyun finally admitted as he fought back his tears.

  
'' So... '' Jinki pondered the thought that was forming in his mind. He knew he was going to let him off easy if he said this, but he didn't want to put up any more resistance. '' Can you please come back? '' he voiced with a neediness that would've ordinarily made him feel pathetic. What made it different this time was the conviction behind those words. He was doing what felt right, what was right.

  
Jonghyun felt his eyes start to moisten. '' Are you sure? '' he asked in a strained voice.

  
'' Yes. I wasn't playing around when I said that I wanted you in my life, '' Jinki stressed. '' Stop being stubborn, it's only hurting the both of us for no reason. ''

  
Jonghyun nodded. His body instantly felt more relaxed, consequently freeing the tears that needed to be shed. He wiped them off, but they kept coming. '' I'm so sorry, Jinki... '' His words were cut off by his sobs. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed.

  
A soft gasp left his lips as he was surrounded by a warm embrace. He was then swiftly pulled up to his feet and wrapped even more tightly by solid arms. He let his head rest against his shoulder, instantly soothed by the other's closeness. '' Thank you, '' he softly said.

  
That was enough for Jinki. He had every answer he needed right now. He closed his eyes, a soft smile dancing on his lips as the weight he had been carrying in his heart suddenly became lighter.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Jonghyun let out a pleased gasp as he looked around. '' Oh my god... '' He then turned to look at his boyfriend, a dazzling smile stretching his lips. '' I love it... '' he breathed with awe.

  
Jinki smiled back, happy beyond words for him. After weeks of searching, Jonghyun had finally found himself a place to perform. It was a one-time thing for now, but if the crowd liked him, the owners would bring him back. They were now standing in the middle of the bar, in front of the scene he'd be on a few nights from now. The place wasn't anything spectacular, but it did have a cozy feel that seemed perfect for the type of songs the blonde sang.

  
'' I'm sure they'll love you, '' Jinki warmly voiced as he wrapped an arm around his waist.

  
Jonghyun leaned into him, letting out a nervous sigh. '' They better, '' he cutely bantered.

  
'' I'll kick their ass if they don't, '' Jinki said with a frank laugh.

  
'' I'd love to see that, '' Jonghyun answered with a playful jab to the taller one's ribs.

  
Jinki's lips curled into a pout. '' I can sense some doubt in your tone, '' he expressed in false offense. He gave it out with another laugh as the blonde stuck out his tongue.

  
'' Jonghyun-sshi? '' A petite woman with lots of makeup and a warm smile called in a soft voice.

  
They both turned her way. '' Yes! '' Jonghyun answered enthusiastically, before looking at Jinki. '' I'll be right back. ''

  
Jinki took seat at one of the empty tables, leaning back comfortably against his chair. There was a sense of peace that continuously filled him ever since they had reunited and right now, he was truly basking in it. Things were going well between them now which he was grateful for because they had gone through some rough patches. A couple of necessary but hard conversations had taken place and each time, he had feared he had pushed the blonde beyond his limits. They sometimes hadn't talked for hours afterwards, but eventually, they always made up for the sake of their relationship. They both were serious about it and that meant making compromises and setting ground rules. One of them had been that the blonde get back to making his art known, not because Jinki had some kind of expectation for his life, but because he knew how much his boyfriend actually wanted to be recognized.

  
Jinki smiled again as he saw his boyfriend coming out with the woman. He got up from his chair and bid her goodbye before they made their way out.

  
'' So everything's cool? '' he verified as they were greeted by the rather cool temperature of the afternoon.

  
'' Yeah, yeah. I signed the contract and everything, '' Jonghyun lightly replied.

  
'' Good. We definitely need to celebrate that, '' Jinki indicated as another wide smile grew on his lips.

  
Jonghyun shook his head vigorously. '' No, '' he said categorically. '' Only after I've performed, and only if it went well. ''

  
'' What? '' Jinki exclaimed in disbelief. '' That's ridiculous. We can celebrate now and after, '' he pointed out with vehemence.

  
A soft giggle crossed the blonde's lips. '' We can totally celebrate now, but not for that. ''

  
Jinki's eyebrow instantly cocked. '' Eh? ''

  
With a smile full of mischief, Jonghyun pulled him closer by the arm. '' Let's go home, kay? '' He then dragged him into a faster pace not leaving him any time to protest.

  
'' Wait... wait... '' Jinki finally managed to say. He tried to halt, but the other's grip was forceful. '' Why are you in such a hurry to go home? '' he inquired with some suspicion.

  
'' I just want us to be alone, you know? '' Jonghyun said in the most natural way. '' I want to be on the couch and cuddle and stuff... '' he continued as he kept on with the rapid pace.

  
'' And stuff? '' Jinki echoed in a low voice, his body warming up as certain thoughts popped up in his mind.

  
'' Aish... don't act like you're five years old or something... '' Jonghyun teased with a playful smile.

  
Jinki let out a resonant snort. '' Says the one who calls sex stuff. '' Another jab in the ribs made him groan.

  
'' Yah! I'm younger, remember? '' Jonghyun loudly let out.

  
'' By a year! '' Jinki reminded as he shook his head in amusement. The blonde was really too cute for words.

  
'' Since you were an honors student and I'm a high school dropout it puts our age difference at about 5 years, '' the younger one conveniently reasoned as he looked at him sideways.

  
Jinki frowned briefly before his shoulders started shaking with laughter. '' This has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. ''

  
'' I think you mean the smartest, '' Jonghyun corrected, giving a light squeeze on the taller one's firm arm.

  
'' Whatever, '' Jinki uttered as he laughed some more.

  
They kept teasing each other throughout the rest of the way before they finally reached the apartment. Jonghyun strode past the brunette, quickly muttering Bathroom before disappearing. Jinki took off his vest and let himself drop on the couch, suddenly realizing that all that excitement had made him a little tired. He was tempted to turn on the TV, but he wanted to know what the other had in mind first. His cheeks grew warmer as he thought of their previous conversation. Was the blonde really eager to have sex right now? He wasn't against it or anything, on the contrary, but he did still feel a little shy. They hadn't had sex again since that one time and he was still scared to disappoint.

  
He heard a door behind him open, but didn't look back, too wrapped up in his growing nervousness. Nonetheless, he was still able to notice that the blonde wasn't making his way towards him, but towards the other end of the hallway. He frowned in confusion, but didn't make another move. After what seemed like a long while, he heard his boyfriend move again, finally making his way back to the living room. A sudden touch on his arm had him look to his side where the other's little hand was now set.

  
'' Hey, don't fall asleep grandpa, '' Jonghyun joked as he moved to stand before him.

  
Jinki narrowed his eyes menacingly at him. Just as he was trying to think of a good comeback, he saw the blonde's eyes glisten with excitement. '' What's up? '' he instantly asked.

  
'' Come, '' he said as he held out his hand.

  
Jinki looked at it hesitantly, before deciding on taking it. Despite his apprehensions, he was curious to see what the other had in mind. They walked past the kitchen and into the hallway until they reached his room. Jonghyun led the way and turned back to give him a dazzling smile.

  
It took Jinki a few seconds to understand the other's joy. His eyes widened as he saw what was on the middle of the bed. There was a wooden tray with a nice bottle of rum in it and a neatly packaged box. He looked back at his still smiling boyfriend, his mouth opened in surprise.

  
'' Go open it, '' Jonghyun said in reference to the box.

  
Jinki walked closer to his bed, his thoughts stilled by astonishment. He picked up the package and took off the red bow that was on it before he started ripping the wrapping paper apart. Then with a few forceful tugs, he managed to open the box that had been buried in it.

  
'' What... how... '' He paused as he took out the frame to give it a better look. His face felt like it was on fire. '' Why-why did you take that picture? '' he finally managed to ask as he looked at Jonghyun.

  
Jonghyun couldn't help but chuckle at the other's expression. '' I wanted to have a souvenir of us together so that I could remember you when I left, but now that I'm back I thought _why not share it_?, '' he explained with much amusement.

  
'' But... it's embarrassing, '' he argued as he looked again at his sleeping face on the picture. He would've much preferred to only have the part where his boyfriend was smiling, his bed hair making him look that much more adorable.

  
'' No, '' Jonghyun instantly disagreed. '' You're so cute when you sleep, '' he added teasingly.

  
Jinki's lips curled into a pout. He looked at the picture once again. '' I guess it's not that bad. ''

  
'' Look I'm sorry I took it without letting you know, but I think it's a great picture and an important one...'' the younger one pointed out in all seriousness.

  
Jinki nodded, acknowledging his words. '' Sorry for reacting this way, I actually think you had a great idea immortalizing this moment. I've just never been comfortable looking at myself in pictures, '' he shared timidly.

  
Jonghyun sighed before taking a few steps towards him. '' I get it, '' he recognized as he brought a hand up to his cheek. '' Can we still put it up in your room? '' he then asked as he let his thumb circle on his soft skin.

  
'' Only if you sleep here with me from now on, '' Jinki forwardly bargained. The idea of sharing the same room had been on his mind for a while now, but he had never found the right moment to bring it up. In this instant, he didn't feel like anything was holding him back anymore.

  
Jonghyun's eyes widened, his mouth dropping open as the idea registered in his mind. He nodded before jumping into his arms, wrapping his own around his neck tightly. '' Yes, of course, '' he breathed as he kept holding on to him.

  
Jinki's lips broke into a smile. He hugged him back with one arm as his other hand was still holding the frame. They finally parted after a few more seconds, both of their faces lit with joy.

  
'' I guess singing in the streets was a blessing in disguise, '' Jonghyun observed as their eyes locked.

  
'' Definitely, '' Jinki approved.

  
'' And don't worry I'm not going anywhere this time, '' the blonde strongly reiterated.

  
'' You better or I'm afraid I'll have to resort to illegal ways to bring you back, '' the older one remarked in a tone that was quite convincing.

  
'' Oh... '' Jonghyun let out as his eyes sparkled with interest.

  
Jinki rolled his eyes. '' Why in the hell would that excite you? ''

  
The blonde shrugged. '' I'm weird like that, '' he nonchalantly answered.

  
Laughter rolled out of Jinki at those words. '' Maybe that's why I like you so much. ''

  
'' That and... stuff, '' Jonghyun said with a wink.

  
Jinki shook his head before grabbing a pillow nearby and throwing it at him.

  
'' How dare you! '' Jonghyun exclaimed after dodging it just in time.

  
A giggle crossed the brunette's lips and before the other could utter another word, he pulled him closer and gave him a sweet kiss. He felt the blonde sigh against his lips which awakened the knot of excitement within him.

  
'' Let's celebrate some more, '' he softly voiced as he pulled back.

  
Jonghyun's lips stretched into a knowing smile. '' Let's celebrate all night, '' he said in a voice lowered to a teasing whisper, eliciting a shiver from the taller one.

Jinki leaned in for another kiss, finally letting his worries go. He finally felt like what he had been looking for all those years was now found. He was definitely going to hold on to it as long as he could.


End file.
